Paul's Financial Report

Paul's Financial Report

Trading got off to a rocky start today as investors got up late, couldn't get their cars started, and then were kind of grumpy all day.

Things improved in the afternoon as the cute girl across the hallway made eye contact - I think she's flirting.

Late in the day, the Canadian dollar jumped to sixty-three cents U.S. following the discovery by foreign investors that if you make a few simple alterations to the five-dollar bill using a pen, Sir Wilfrid Laurier can look just like Spock.

In the Asian markets, people were buying bok choi and green tea, while in the Canadian markets there's a special on toothpaste in aisle seven.

Rain fell, the chips are down, Seven-Up and internationally, Indonesia remains very far away.

The T.S.E. Composite Index was confusing, the Dow Jones Industrial Average means nothing to me, and little birds go "tweet tweet tweet".

The bank rate was five percent, the prime rate stayed at six and a half, prime rib is on special, a prime number is eleven, and pi held firm at twenty-two over seven.

In the bond market, Pierce Brosnan is at an all-time high, Sean Connery is holding steady, Roger Moore took a dip, and George Lazenby is nowhere to be found.

Silver fell, uranium exploded, and gold was taken away pending a drug test.

I'm Paul Mather, I won't be back tomorrow.